So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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