I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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