I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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