You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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