I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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