So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
