i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
