yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
