doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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