therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
