He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
