and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
