My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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