Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
