You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
