yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
