Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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