I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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