i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
