Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
