My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
