I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
