I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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