Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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