You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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