You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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