i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
