i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
