I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
