I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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