Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize