we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
