So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
