just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
