I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
