pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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