I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
