life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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