I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
