then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
