I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
