So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
