Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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