So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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