tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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