Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
