i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
