Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
