i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
