google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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