I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
