i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
