How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
