Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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