He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
