the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
