Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
