and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
