She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
