it hurts more in the daytime
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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