I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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