Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
