There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Farmville is her only friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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