Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
