So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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