Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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