my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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