Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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