I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
