If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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