Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Enjoy the penises
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
