Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
