My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
