I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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